Monday, May 30, 2016

Same shit, different day


Ma ei viitsi pikalt halada või selgitada, miks esmaspäev eriliselt sinine tundub, aga mu meelest on see juba naeruväärne, kuidas nädalavahetused on nii ilusad ( isegi kui vihma sajab ja Alexander Rybak jääb nägemata), saab nalja ja kõik tundub nii helge, ÜHTEGI MUREMÕTET ei ole. Ja siis tuleb esmaspäev ning KOHE on platsis muremõtted. Ja kõik, eranditult KÕIK tundub nii hall ja lootusetu ning ma ei tea, mida peale hakata oma eluga. 
Istusin hommikul mossis näoga hommikusöögilaua taga ja tundsin end (jälle!) maailma kõige halvema emana, sest väike armas Ida sai aru, et emmel on paha tuju, võttis mul kättest kinni ja hakkas laulma "sammen, sammen" (= koos). Kõikusime siis koos "muusikataktis", Ida laulis ja hoidis kätest kinni ja ütles siis "mamma ogsa synge!" (emme ka laula). Olgu öeldud, et 99,9% ajast ei meeldi talle mu lauluhääl. No ja siis vaatad selle pisikese lapse naervatesse silmadesse ning tunned end luuserina, kes mossitab ja ei saa millegagi hakkama. 
Jumal tänatud, et mul just täna psühholoog on. 

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I am too depressed to even explain why and the Monday feels blue (more blue than usually). I find it ridiculous how it can be so that weekends are so wonderful (even when it rains and you don't see Alexander Rybak performing), everything is so bright and there are NO WORRIES what so ever. And bang! there's Monday and everything changes. EVERYTHING feels gray and hopeless and I have no idea what to do with my life. 
I was crumpy at breakfast table and suddenly I felt like the worst mother in the world, because little sweet Ida also understood mommy is in a bad mood, looked at me , took my hands and started singing "sammen, sammen" and in a minute she added "mamma ogsa synge" (mom, sing too!"), I just have to add that 99,9% of times she hates my singing and starts crying when I try to sing along. How can I not feel as a failure when even my 2,7 years old daughter sees that I need cheering up. That is unfair to her. But I feel like I am not succeeding in anything!
Thank God I have therapy today!


Nädavahetus oli nii lilleline, et ma isegi ei tea, mis mul hakkas, et ma kell 22 õhtul veel kukleid küpsetama hakkasin. Tegelikult pidi poolest taignast kaneelisaiad tulema, aga no nende jaoks tundus aeg tsips hiline siiski. Ma mõtlesin neid täna teha, aga eile ma veel ei teadnud, et mul täna paha tuju on:D

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See, the weekend was so shiny (like you haven't seen enough photos on blog this weekend already). I don't even know what happened but I found myself baking late at night (it was already 22 and we usually sleep by then). Half of the dough was supposed to be cinnemon rolls, but for those I felt it is a bit too late. I thought to bake those today, but I didn't know yesterday that I am in such a bad mood today.







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